Releasing the Power of the Questions That Can Keep Us Stuck in the Trauma.
It is natural and normal to want answers, and with suicide there is no concrete answer that will ease the pain we feel; no answer will provide us with a sense of comfort or satisfaction, because the answers even if found, cannot bring our loved one back. As we seek answers, our search can sometimes lead us to blame. Blame directed at self, others, or your loved one. Has blame found its way into your grief path, and if so, how is it impacting your healing ?
Releasing the Power of the Questions that can Keep Us Stuck in Trauma of the Loss:
Make a list with two headings:
“What If’s” and “If Only’s”
Take some time to write everything you can about these two powerful questions.
If you review the list of “What If’s” and “If Only’s”, which one’s tend to assign blame?
As you review the above list, are you 100% sure this would have saved your loved one ?
Are there facts that seem to contradict the list above ?
Do these “What If’s” and “If Only’s” still remain when you look at this list through a compassionate eye?
“What preceded the death, did not necessarily cause the death” - David Kessler
One final helpful suggestion I will leave you with, is to find a community of fellow survivors to connect with. I know that the thought of meeting others in struggle, in the midst of your own time of great need, can feel daunting to say the least. I was reluctant myself, and my husband was out-right against even trying this for many months after we were newly bereaved. There is something comforting about others being an outsider witness to our experience of losing our loved one by suicide. It helps to validate that thought it may feel like it, we are never alone. Not even in this life-event, which is the worst of all human tragedies.
Connecting with an empathetic, compassionate group of fellow survivors will help support your healing in many ways ! The ones whom have been on their individual journeys of healing can help share tried and true coping techniques, as well as, they will have the opportunity to learn about your loved one.
How wonderful to have a group of friends to help us remember our special person, free from all judgement and out-dated stigma’s around suicide loss!
I hope you’ve found this article helpful; and will find the courage to try a few strategies which will help you to cope with the guilt and shame of your loss. I am cheering for you !!