A Poem by: Jill Cowan
Mother’s Day is coming, and my heart feels an unbidden tightening. I hear the local advertisements for special brunches on my local radio. In the mail, flyers and catalogs arrive, displaying a selection of gifts, perfect for Mother’s Day gifting. When the weather begins to turn warmer, and things begin to bud, so too buds that familiar longing in my soul....
I am preparing to be a witness to another Mother’s Day, and all the happy ways people mark the occasion.
I think of all my own happiest Mother’s Days. The ones I spent when my family was whole. I think of my little children holding meetings in their bedrooms to discuss their plans. I remember pretending to still be asleep, while they whisper excitedly, and work in the kitchen to make my breakfast in bed. I open their handmade gifts, and delight in the warmth of their shining smiles when I praise their creations.
The emotions form a lump in my throat, and my body feels tired from the gravity of carrying on living in a universe I often feel I no longer fit into. Mother’s Day is reminder of how different my life is, and how different it will forever be.
There - I’ve done it! I acknowledged that it’s coming around, and like all calendar occasions, I will have to greet it with courage, and acceptance.
I love my son! I am his mom, still; and his life continues to bring me so much joy!! I am proud of him; and I want to share the special love he freely showered myself with, so that others will know him, too! I will continue to find ways to honour the joy he brought to myself, on Mother’s Day, and every day in-between!
I wish his life was not so terribly short, but his life was so brilliant! I will not shut myself away from the world on hard days. I will go out, and enjoy this day that meant so very much to US both while he was here. I will live for us both, now that he will be with me in a different way, this Mother’s Day.
One of my favourite title’s is, “Max’s Mom”. “IS” - the word to focus on in that sentence.
I am Max’s Mom.